Frankly, this post has surprisingly little to do with thanksgiving but somehow it has everything to do with it. It hasn't felt like thanksgiving yet but yet I've been keenly aware that it is and also that I am profoundly thankful. Sad, hard memories from last thanksgiving and we seem to have had occassion at every turn to talk about that sadness and hardship. And I find myself... mixed.
Went to New Orleans for thanksgiving. My sister lives there and my mom, @ and I went. It was good to see her. To meet her fiance. To meet his family. To experience my first Jewish Sabbath (Shabot). We went to the horse track for thanksgiving. Which was funny and distracting and so I was thankful. I know nothing about horse racing but I liked seeing the horse run and the thrill of it all. My sister said there more fun if you put on money on the thing. No way I'm putting money on horses running but I had a fun time anyway. To my knowledge our party had no big winners.
Long drive to NO. @ was a gem in the car. He had one small breakdown on the way down and none on the way back. And he didn't sleep the whole way or have a video of any kind. He was just that good of a kid. He's also gotten like ten times smarter in the course of five days. I have no idea how.
I'm thankful for all of these things but at the same time I don't know that any of them could have been possible if we were in the same place we were last year. And I'm aware that that departure had nothing to do with our will. And how much time it has taken for me to see that that will that brought us out was the hand of providence against my will. It saved me in a sad hour. Just now as I write that, I wonder if it isn't something like the Israelites must have felt coming out of Egypt. My picture of my Egypt is lovely but it was death to me. And this place that I thought was death has brought rest and renewal and rejuvenation. Yet again I'm left in silent wonder. I find myself sorry though because even though Egypt would have been death for a time it was a place of joy in my life. It taught me. Remembering not to despise the teaching is the rub.
So for thanksgiving...
@ is now a boy and not a baby. Baby's don't count to 10 or say thank you.
My husband is wonderful. He supports me and reminds me of grace at every turn all while working on something that makes him feel uncertain.
My family is learning and growing together. We make mistakes and take steps back but all the same we're moving closer.
My extended international family remains and is growing. I don't know what the next destination brings but I'm full of wonder. And I know in my heart, even on not good days, that light must permeate dark. Its the nature of things. Eventually it always does.
By the by, I turn 30 in something like a few weeks. My birthday, our anniversary falls at a thoughtful time of year. I've always felt it. Thanksgiving, then reminders of time, then Christmas and New Year. All in about 6 weeks. I get a full year of thoughtfulness into that amount of time and so for a while the posts may be a bit longer winded.