tired

My eyes are tired. I think I am tired. It's been a bit of day and its Saturday. I hate it when Saturday becomes a day. I finally really decided today that I have to fire my houseworker. It's been coming for a while- like shortly after I realized that she was working here full time I realized this relationship wasn't ideal. Since we've been back it's been WAY less than ideal. She sleeps about an hour a day and then moves at snail pace. Actually, that isn't fair to the snails. This week after speaking to her about how sleeping when you're at work isn't acceptable, she was grumpy. And slower. On Friday, in the 6 hours she was here, she swept, mopped, washed dishes, wiped down a window, wiped off the dining room table and cleaned the bathroom. That is 6 hours. So yeah, slow. It's all we've been able to talk about since we came back. And today I realized, as we were talking this over for the 100 billionth time, I need to fire my houseworker. The thing is she has no other real income and I think she leads a fairly unhappy existence. I hate that I'm going to make that worse. And that is what has kept her employed for 2 years. But it's so inevitable. So I talked with a friend today. She kind of helped me remember that this isn't the first time we've had this conversation and I kind of need to get it together, bite the bullet and get the job done. This helped a lot. After that conversation I have a lot more peace about what I need to say and why. It helps to have a friend that has walked a rode before. So that is what I'm doing on Monday.

I took @ around to swim lessons today. It was raining which always seems like a reason for a child not to go swimming but here its kind of the other way around. Unless its lighting, which it normally isn't, you should go swimming. Its normally still fairly warm and you're getting wet anyway. So @ went swimming and he loves it. It was good to see his teacher again. He's a nice fellow. A school teacher. And I can tell that he would be a great teacher too. I liked watching them together. Then dark cloud came rolling in and I got a little panicky. I looked around and no one else seemed bothered. And I realized for the first time why I get effecte by these dark clouds and no one else does- I'm from the Midwest. Dark clouds barreling in with a pickup in wind means a nasty storm is coming. You could have a tornado. You should go to your basement or sit in the bathtub. Dark clouds mean none of those things here. There is no tornado, no basement and no bathtub and nasty storms are super unusual. So I got over it, I pushed aside my Midwestern-ness.

! cried going to bed tonight. It scares me when she cries too long at bedtime. I begin to see the wee hours of the morning and she's still crying and we're not able to consol her and she's wailing and no one will ever sleep ever again. Our trip back here was a little like that. ! has a banshee wail that sounds like the same cry another child would give when you cut off a leg. But now she's quiet. She did cry for 20 minutes on and off though. Normally its more like 3. I have irrational fears sometimes. I don't know where she get the high drama from…