Thursday, September 25, 2008

homesick

I don't often feel homesick for the US. That makes my mom sad but really its true. When we were in Africa and were having bad times I'd get homesick. When the uncertainty was high and the outlook dim, I'd let myself have a day of "That's it I'm moving to..." and typically Jonathan and I would spend that day on and off talking about some small/ large village/ city in Western Washington State where there was a University, a big library, a BBQ pork chop stand, and a good scrapbook store (by the way I have no idea if there is such a place but that was our Eden). But since moving here, really not too bad. Now we've gotten homesick for Africa a few times but that was mostly when our house was in transition. We had a great house in Africa and now that this one is really set we have a great one here too. I feel a pang of wishing during the holidays and big events (missing my sister's wedding, my mom's house saga) but day to day I do ok.

The times I really feel the most homesick are when I think about my neices and nephew. When they have first days of sports, days at the parades, trips to the zoo and then the really important things like baptisms, I get a little lonely for them. I don't know them as people really. We saw them more when they were babies and they did more sleeping. Now they are getting to be real people and we just don't know them. So I'm never going to be a "favorite" and I don't really go in for that a lot but its that they don't have memories with us.

Today this is a problem for me because I got a new neice. A little Ruby of a neice and I'm willing to bet she's every bit a miracle. Each of them are miracles- they've become people with neat ideas, creative energy and sweet spirits. And Ruby will be just as exceptional. But the hard part is I won't really know her. And the mom's and dad's keep us up with them in pictures and stories but still there's something to touching them. Compound Ruby's arrival with my sister 7 month pregnant with her first miracle and my dear best friend Jessica days (minutes, hours??) away from her second; and I'm feeling a little gloomy today. Not the right spirit I suppose but when I think about how special she'll be I'm reminded that to some extent I'll be another spectator from the bleachers. Sigh...
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