Today 2 things happened that I think changed how our day with @'s school went.
1. We gave up worrying about it. Talked with the principal more yesterday and it sounds like things aren't really going to change. This is how they do school and they'll try to help @ but probably it won't be much. Pretty much the answer is he'll learn the hard way, eventually he'll catch the routine. So I stopped grumping and took @ to school. He didn't want to go today.
2. I talked to the teacher. I explained to her that @ didn't want to come today. He really was afraid. "You must explain to him what is happening. He doesn't know the routine. You must tell him." She did seem to get it the message. So when I came back today he burst into tears but I think it was because he didn't want to walk in line, he wanted to walk with me. I looked venomous at the teacher and she came to talk to me about his day. I think he had a good day. He's more compliant at the moment and has been as frustrated as he was the last few days. A slightly better day.
The other thing that probably helped was that today they had a birthday party in class which pretty much guarantees that no education when happen in the child's class and its only by accident if education happens anywhere in the school building. He came home with a balloon and a McDonald's gift bag. Yeah, that definitely helped.